This is a pretty good essay draft, but it is an entirely different king of essay than you were asked to write for this assignment. Please choose an argument to write about and write a researched argument essay!
This seems as if it was written for a different assignment. What is the survey that you mention? What is your argument that you want to convince readers? How does it connect to society with some significance?
You have mostly correct sentences and grammar in your writing (bust still need to edit carefully and work with your wording).
You’ve selected some promising sources, and have gathered interesting and valuable ideas for a research essay.
As you revise, you’ll want to:
1. Choose an argument topic for your essay– do not just state facts about the brain.
2. Write a clear and effective thesis that argues something interesting, controversial, or new about a brain-related topic.
3. create strong, supportive topic sentences to convince readers of your main argument
4. work on wording to cut out all unnecessary clutter in every sentence and every paragraph,
5. follow all MLA formatting guidelines
I’ve also made a few notes to get you started with your revision. Take them and continue the work throughout the rest of your essay. I also suggest you work with a tutor.
Your revision will be due by December 6th, and you will resubmit your new essay to this same Canvas assignment.
Thanks for your hard work on this challenging assignment! I have already seen you grow significantly as a college writer and I am excited to see how your writing will continue to develop. Keep up the hard work as you make some more changes and submit a new final draft.
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